Anam Cara

On my iPOD...on Repeat...

2008-08-19T22:47:52-05:00

Vassilis Tsabropoulos and Anja Lechner played me to sleep last night, and have been my almost constant companions today. Chants, Hymns and Dances is a warm, exotic dispensation of grace. Clean and spare, piano and cello are the only instrumentation throughout. Lechner's dark, plaintive cello lines seem to penetrate to my very interior, soothing and nourishing. Tsabropoulos has a lovely touch, and his improvisations are beautiful. Five of the compositions on the cd are his. The music is based on Greek Orthodox chant, with heavy Turkish and Armenian influences.

As the music plays, I feel as though cares and worries and the little stresses of the day are being gently washed away, and I can breathe slow and easy again. It is a balm for the soul. Below is one of the pieces, Trois Morceaux Apres des Hymnes Byzantins-II. Click on the album title above to hear more. While you are there, read the description of how these compositions came to be. It is quite a fascinating story. Enjoy.

Tucker Update

2008-08-19T14:33:53-05:00

For those of you who have followed Tucker's story for so long, a little update on a significant landmark. Candy's words from last night:

Thursday marked 5 months since Tucker's stroke. The time has flown by. I think I should perhaps go back and read my past posts. Quite honestly, everything all seems to run together. Most days, we go about our busy routine in a state of new acceptance, proactive and determined to maximize the possibilities in Tucker's journey to healing.

Sometimes in the stillness, a moment of rest from the hustle and bustle becomes a moment of restlessness. Sometimes time to think leads to too much thinking. There are times when the scar upon my heart feels like a fresh wound, and I grieve for the child I lost. I grieve for the quality of life that Tucker has lost.

Each day Tucker does something that he did not do 5 months ago. Each day Tucker does NOT do something that he did 6 months ago. Each day I have to make a decision of which I chose to see.

Over the past few days, there's been allot going on around our house. The kids back in school, the house has been quiet. Tucker has not quite been his smiley self, but health wise he's been great. It just occurred to me that maybe he just misses the kids. I suppose the days seem a little longer, even boring, when you only have 3 options...sit, lay or be held. A little more frustrating when you don't actually get to make the choice. I try so hard to make sure that he has a good balance in his routine. We change positions every couple hours or less. I move him from his chair to his beanbag, to flat on his back, to his side. By the window for some fresh air, by the tv for some Barney. We do exercises, we read stories, we sing songs and do hand motions, and we of course play with cars. We listen to music. We spend lots of time cuddling and making faces at each other (mostly I make faces and he smiles). I tell him I love him and shower him with squeezes at least a hundred times a day. I talk to him all day. He probably doesn't care to hear about my method for sorting the laundry but I'm certain he likes to hear my voice..or at least I like to think so. He is with me nearly every moment of the day.

So it seems like we're doing so much, and it seems like he would be entertained, certainly not neglected. But during his window time I look at him sitting in that chair and I wonder what he is thinking. Does he wish he could go outside? He likes the sounds of the birds and the cars, does he wonder why he can't imitate their sounds? When he is watching Barney does he want to get up and dance around the room like he used to? When he hears the kids say they are going outside to ride bikes, does he want to go too? When the kids go on an excursion with Daddy how does it make him feel when he's left behind? When I get lost in conversation with someone, does he want to jump in and tell me something too? When I tell someone his story, he must hear me. Does he understand any of it?

See, we want to believe that since he can't speak, he is unaware or incapable of emotions and reasoning these things. The thing is, he is Tucker. He has emotions. He cries when he is sad, he smiles when he is happy. We can't believe that he is Tucker and believe that all this is just okay with him. I think with all that So I'm going to ask you to pray a different kind of prayer tonight. For a 3 year old, this may seem silly, but pray for God's comfort to be upon him. If there is a need for understanding, pray that God will somehow give him that. Only God knows, only God can.

Overall, Tucker's health has improved. He has had a teasing cough, but praise be, nothing more. PLE at bay. We have realized that he simply cannot tolerate bolus feeds (feeding at periodic intervals throughout the day) even in very small amounts. That is an easy fix, we simply keep him hooked up to his feeding pump and feed him constantly and slowly throughout the day. It kind of slows down the system of moving around as much as we would like, but it is better for him. Our smart doctor suspected reflux was causing some of the cough, and I think he was right on. This method of feeding seems to have remedied that as well. PT has been ordered to resume in house 3x a week once again. We haven't started yet.

On a communication standpoint, he has a couple of new fun games. His new favorite thing is to "give us a hug". If we wrap his arms around our neck and tell him thank you for the big hug, he is so happy. He even opened his mouth in gesture to give one of his CARS a kiss one day last week. I have a sneaking suspicion that he still enjoys his "appul duice". I would almost swear that he is making a gesture with his right arm when he wants to be picked up, but that theory isn't solid yet. He has in home therapy once a week with Ms. Robin to work solely on communication. She got to hear him "laugh" at me last week.

I started doing some work from home again this week, something very flexible that doesn't take away from time with Tucker or interfere with his schedule, but is somewhat of an escape for me while he naps. I think it will be good for both of us. Check me out: www.takeuthere.traverustravel.com

The kids are doing great in school. Anna is getting braces, Ethan is getting taller. Lots of exciting things going on. We leave for Disney on Sunday..yay!!!!

The Aftertaste of Bitterness

2008-08-17T21:41:25-05:00

The roof slopes steeply:
I am listening to Bach, the St John Passion: I live,
the pleasures of love enjoying, and thou
art dying. How the attic space
has grown luxurious with the music, oboe

d'amore, a thunder-storm, a dulcet
rending of the heart in sorrow; and I fill,
if only for a moment, with
transcendental energy. Clouds
through the skylight window shift, reform,

there falls a huge knocking on the glass
from the opened sky. Peter's
ham-fisted attempt at violence, the swung
sword; then the music of healing, the forgiving
hand. And what is truth? I'm drawn away

by mating-shouts of pheasants
In the high grass outside. Bach's slow chorales
lift the soul, through time, out
beyond time, till the music tells how death
is the perfect state of innocence.

By John F. Deane

Marathon Training Begins...

2008-08-16T12:46:11-05:00

On Sunday, November 16th I will attempt my first full marathon. It is a goal I have flirted with for a little over a year. This year when I reached the point in the Country Music Marathon where the marathoners split off from the half marathoners, I thought to myself "I can do this." I felt like I had 13 more miles in me, even if I had to walk them. So I began searching for an event. Fall seemed like good timing as it would give me time to train even with the many summer interruptions that were already in place (triathlon, Oxbridge, etc.....) It also means that the greater bulk of my training will fall during the absolutely most exquisite running weather in Tennessee. Mike wanted to do the half so we had to find an event that did both. The brand new San Antonio Marathon seemed to meet all our criteria, and San Antonio is a great place to visit.

So today, precisely three months before the event, I did my first long run in almost two months...15 miles. It was fabulous!! The last mile was pretty grueling. But, the weather was good (once the rain stopped). And it felt good to be out pushing myself again. I do not intend to try and hit 26 miles before the marathon. My goal is 22 and I think that is imminently doable. I will probably do a long run about every 10 days. Even with the interruption of a duathlon in October, I should be right on target. No time goal. My only goal is to finish....alive. Wish me luck.

Late Summer Beauty

2008-08-15T12:26:22-05:00

Shelia Mullican

What if........

2008-08-14T23:45:09-05:00

............what surmounts the reach
Of human sense, I shall delineate so,
By lik'ning spiritual to corporal forms,
As may express them best, though what if Earth
Be but the shadow of Heav'n, and things therein
Each to other like more than on Earth is thought?

John Milton, Paradise Lost

Anthony Lawton and Mirror Theatre Company

2008-08-13T21:39:36-05:00

Oxbridge provided so many wonderful artistic moments. One of the standouts was a one-man show by Anthony Lawton. He brought one of my very favorite C.S. Lewis books to life. The Great Divorce follows the protagonist on a bus ride into the afterlife. He meets a variety of most interesting characters, each of whom responds to his new circumstance in a way that is completely unique. And, each of the characters gives us a look inside ourselves. It is a provoking and challenging read.

Lawton's incarnation of the story is masterful. His choice to act in white face helps him fade away and gives a clean canvas from whence each character can emerge. His acting arsenal includes a panoply of vocal colors and accents, as well as posture, gesture and attitude. If you know the story, you know that it is told in first person narrative, and that there are a number of confrontations between two individuals. This format is perfectly suited to a one-man portrayal. Lawton did the adaptation himself, but every single word is Lewis'.

The audience cackled, and sighed, and gasped. It was a very engaging performance. The subtle humor that Lewis injected throughout became hysterical when Lawton enfleshed the characters. Likewise, the poignant moments that arrest your mind in the book took your breath away when they lived on stage.

Lawton also performs solo versions of Lewis' The Screwtape Letters and of Shel Silverstein's The Devil and Billy Markham. In 1996 he established the Mirror Theatre Company whose mission is "Spiritual Theatre for a Secular Audience."

"The company is committed to presenting drama about our spiritual life that will be of interest to all audiences, secular or religious. Lawton wants his plays to be part of an ongoing dialogue with the audience -- a dialogue in which we discuss and consider that which is (or isn't!) Eternal in us."

The Philadelphia Enquirer says, "Now this is storytelling. Anthony Lawton holds us rapt--you can feel the intensity of the audience's attention--with his masterful performance in The Great Divorce...Each character...comes to life through Lawton's voice as he walks that fine line between the dramatic and the narrative. He brings the old-fashioned, very literary vocabulary to life."

Go see Lawton perform if you have opportunity, or better yet bring him to your town. You will be very glad you did.

I'm in Love!

2008-08-12T22:38:17-05:00

There is a new man in my life. I just met him this afternoon. His name is Elijah Gavin and he is GORGEOUS! I was far away when Elijah made his entry a week ago. He was a whopping 9 pounds 6 ounces and 22 inches long. His mom is a champ!! He flirted with Kelsey and me this afternoon. He smiled, and studied, and smirked, and teased and made sweet sounds. He is a delight! He has the great blessing of being born into a home where he will be loved extravagantly, enjoyed immensely for who he is, celebrated, challenged, encouraged, taught, played with, nourished......loved.

Congratulations Jen and Chad!!! So glad your love has given us all this little wonder. I will enjoy watching him grow.

Malcolm Guite...on Poetry

2008-08-12T12:41:36-05:00

Malcolm Guite is a Harley riding poet, songwriter, priest, rock musician, and Cambridge Prof. He has the best cache of poems in his memory I have ever encountered. And,he speaks them as if they were his own words...as though they have become so much a part of the warp and woof of who he is that there is no marking where they end and he begins. He is congenial and humorous, but he is also passionate and profound. It was my pleasure last week to sit under his teaching both in a plenary session as well as in a poetry workshop. It was a tremendous experience.

He inspired us with the poems of people who understand the craft and do it well. He gave us suggestions for how to get the process underway and create a place for the muse. And, he encourages us to be open to transcendence and to understand how essential it is to the best poetry. Here are a few of the things he taught us.

Find a quiet place for writing, then BE QUIET. He talked about the importance of getting started. He said to think of all the transcendent moments you have experienced with someone. How did they happen? Perhaps you went for a walk with a loved one. You came to a bridge and the moon was reflected just so and the effect was breathtaking. But, before you encoutered transcendence, you went for a walk. In writing, you have to go for the walk before you get to that certain something that will bring you poem to life. He illustrated this point with a clever poem by Jacques Prevert which here follows:

To Paint a Bird

First paint a cage
with an open door
then paint
something pretty
something simple
something beautiful
something useful
for the bird
then place the canvas against a tree
in a garden
in a wood
or in a forest
hide behind the tree
without speaking
without moving …
Sometimes the bird comes quickly
but he can just as well spend long years
before deciding
Don’t get discouraged
wait
wait years if necessary
the swiftness or slowness of the coming
of the bird having no rapport
with the success of the picture
When the bird comes
if he comes
observe the most profound silence
wait till the bird enters the cage
and when he has entered
gently close the door with a brush
then
paint out all the bars one by one
taking care not to touch any of the feathers of the bird
Then paint the portrait of the tree
choosing the most beautiful of its branches
for the bird
paint also the green foliage and the wind’s freshness
the dust of the sun
and the noise of insects in the summer heat
and then wait for the bird to decide to sing
If the bird doesn’t sing
it’s a bad sign
a sign that the painting is bad
but if he sings it’s a good sign
a sign that you can sign
so then so gently you pull out
one of the feathers of the bird
and you write your name in a corner of the picture

We looked at form as one of the possible starting places. We actually worked on creating a vilanelle together as a class. He told us that sometimes he does not know what he is writing about until he starts writing, then it emerges a bit at a time.

He then used an excerpt from WIlliam Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream to illustrate the incarnational nature of poetry.

The poet's eye, in a fine frenzy rolling,
Doth glance from heaven to earth, from earth to heaven;
And, as imagination bodies forth
The forms of things unknown, the poet's pen
Turns them to shapes, and gives to airy nothing
A local habitation and a name.

He reminded us that the first question Jesus was asked in the book of John was "Where are you staying?" The first question we hear God asking Adam is the same. The first chapter of the book of John says that the word was in the beginning...that we beheld his glory...and that the word was made flesh and made his dwellin among us. "A local habitation". In poetry, we use words to incarnate ideas or concepts. "The imagination apprehends more than the mind can comprehend."

The Orphee Suite...

2008-08-11T20:23:38-05:00

One of the luminary artistic voices we heard from at Oxbridge was pianist extraordinaire, Paul Barnes. Barnes has performed all over the world, and has been lauded by critics far more qualified and eloquent than me. The New York Times praised his "Lisztian thunder and deft fluidity", and the San Francisco Chronicle described him as "ferociously virtuosic". All too true. He plays with passion and authority, fierceness as well as sweetness. Watching him interact with the instrument is almost as fun as listening to him...almost. He was part of three different musical evenings and played music from a variety of periods and styles. Mozart to Liszt to Philip Glass. Each was articulated impeccably and sensitively.

One of the things it stirred in me was a hunger to play music like that. Classical music was once a part of my everyday life. But, as a busy mom and educator whose playing consists mostly of reading chord charts on a Sunday morning every now and again, it is a distant memory. Hearing Dr. Barnes play touched a part of me that has lain dormant for a very long time. I am thinking it might be time to revive it. So, I am playing scales again and doing drills to try and build my chops back up. It is a start. I have also ordered one of the suites from which Barnes played selections. The music was SO lovely...so winsome, and filled with longing and sorrow and exhuberance and joy. I bought the recording and thought I would like to introduce you to bits and pieces of it. My impressions. The album is called The Orphee Suite for Piano: The Music of Philip Glass.

I should begin by saying that one of the most pleasing aspects of the work is its variety. Each movement has its own atmosphere, its own mood and flavor. With that said I have chosen only my very favorite selections to write about, an arduous task I must admit (the choosing, not the writing). I would also like to point out that the program notes written by Mr. Barnes are a fascinating look inside the process and inside the story. He uses creative and evocative prose that carries you deep inside the story. So, if you cannot download the notes with the album, you should really buy this one in hard copy.

Orphee's Bedroom
The tender plaintive melody so gracefully rendered seems to reach directly into the heart. Gentle harmonies in the left hand give the melody a home and create a delicate, sweet texture. The piece closes with a caress, leaving me breathless every time.

Journey to the Underworld
Following Orphee's Bedroom, this movement provides arresting contrast. It is a richly textured piece with a number of intersecting and overlapping elements that make a veritable feast of color. A recurring pattern gives structure to the piece. Throw in occasional power chords, a forceful intermittent melody in the bass, an unexpected frilly melody suddenly emerging in the right hand and an ending just when you least expect it, and you have a mysterious, complex wonder. With the constant interplay of melody and texture, it demands a player of Barnes' ability ro articulate it with the authority and sensitivity it deserves.

Orphee and the Princess
Orphee and the Princess is the kind of piece you want to lean back into and get lost in. Lush harminies and a sweet melody with just enough dissonance to give it character hold you spellbound from start to finish. Paul Barnes makes every note, every chord, sing...or storm...as needed.

Orphee's Bedroom (reprise)
The final scene is sacrifice and lament. The Princess has sacrificed her own happiness for Orphee's. It is love...forever love...but it has cost her everything. Even if you did not know the story, you could feel the mourning...the loss. There is a restatement of the love theme from Orphee's Bedroom, though in its current setting one must be attentive to find it. Beautifully rendered cry of anguish.

There are four pieces on the recording that are not part of the Orphee Suite. Three make up the Trilogy Sonata, the fourth is the Epilogue from Monsters of Grace.

II Movement of Trilogy Sonata: Act III Conclusion from Satyagraha
This movement mesmerizes with its rippling chord pattern that repeats throughout with slight variations. Then, the master pianist draws a melody from the midst--expressive, dynamic--without ever disrupting the ripples. Slight variations in rhythm provide interest without interrupting the spell.

III Movement of Trilogy Sonata: Dance from Act II Scene III of Akhnaten
Fierce, Insistent, Driving. The pianist expertly treads the tenuous ground of giving each line its proper emphasis. Fully engaging. It was a tremendously exciting live performance, but even on a recording I find myself exhausted at the end. Marvelous!!

Epilogue From Monsters of Grace
Dark, mysterious and exotic, Epilogue From Monsters of Grace will take you on a splendid journey. The recurring octave pedal points throughout provide you with a sense of safety as you journey and there is occasional respite in passages of reverie. Then the persistent forward surging resumes, assertively, with authority, moving you on. Powerful!!

The album is available on iTunes or Amazon. And you may watch live videos of Orphee and the Princess, Akhnaten , or Monsters of Grace on Youtube.

Cambridge Remembrance...

2008-08-10T21:25:44-05:00

Stone, Windows, the Cam, Punts, Food....sumptuous food,
The Fitzwilliam, Friends, Music...Beautiful music, Poetry,
Chant, Ely, Shopping, Bag End, Open air Market, Rain,
Shoes, Warkworth House, L'Occitane, Clouds, Beauty, Joy.....

More Cambridge images HERE.

Home.....

2008-08-09T20:35:34-05:00

My feet touched Nashville soil around 7:45 last evening. It was an interesting commute. I had the great good fortune of being in the middle seat on my seven and a half hour trans-Atlantic flight between two gentlemen who needed slightly more room than the bounds of their seats offered. Needless to say, I did not do a great deal of sleeping. But I had beautiful music to keep me company and lots of thoughts to process, so it was a sweet time anyway. I was pretty tired by the time I got home. But I was able to stay awake long enough to listen to my children breathlessly relate all the goings on I had missed. They met me at the airport with gifts. I felt very loved.

Today has been a bit bewildering. I have experienced a smorgasbord of emotions. It is so good to be with my family again...to listen to my kids...to visit with friends...to turn on my computer and the little internet icon smile at me...to drive my Jeep. But, there is a part of me that feels a little out of place. I miss the quiet. I miss the beautiful old buildings. The air conditioning is too harsh. The music in my house is too loud, and all of the wrong sort. I miss the dear friends I made. I walked down the beer aisle at the grocery store and wanted to cry. I thought of a dizzying array of bitter ales served in friendly pubs; champagne beer, whiskey beer. So many interesting beverages...so far away. I couldn't bring myself to buy anything.

And the food of thought. I really miss that. Every day I was challenged. Every day I was pushed. Every day something new. Beauty, wonder, sensory delight, ideas...rich ideas, dialogue and exchange. Each was handed to me on a china plate and all I had to do was revel in it. Now, I am responsible for carrying on from here...for continuing to feed myself with great books, and beautiful music, art and poetry, and for carrying on the dialogue wherever I am. Interestingly, I was at a wedding this afternoon. There I was introduced to a woman I have seen around church for years. We have never talked until today. A friend told her where I had been. She began to ask question after question. We talked about books, ideas, faith. It was fabulous. We became fast friends. This very day a new friendship has begun. And, there are others. Others with whom I have already traveled to the deep heart places. I will bring them what I learned and experienced. I will pour it into that mutual font that we have been feeding together. And we will continue to explore and relish life.

This is the sky that welcomed me home. Tough to beat
a Nashville sunset.

Joshua, Caleb, Coleman, Will, Rebekah, and Wesley.
Sweet friends from Rome.

The bride and groom. Congratulations Bekah and Nolan!

New Images....

2008-08-09T10:44:21-05:00

New photo album with the remaining images of Oxford.
Above are a few teasers. Cambridge
albums to follow.

On Beauty and Faith...

2008-08-09T06:44:40-05:00

The heavens proclaim the glory of God.
      The skies display his craftsmanship.
Day after day they continue to speak;
      night after night they make him known.
They speak without a sound or word;
      their voice is never heard.
Yet their message has gone throughout the earth,
      and their words to all the world.

Psalm 19:1-3

Dana Gioia is the director of the National Endowment for the Arts. He is also a committed Catholic follower of Christ. His is an articulate advocate for the intersection of faith and art. It is a subject that merits contemplation and purposeful discussion. Here are a few of the thoughts from his Oxbridge presentation that really spoke to me.

"When you take spirituality out of art, what you are left with is the protocol of methodology."

"When you take beauty out of worship, you have turned your back on the most immediate and useful way in which God's voice has been heard in the world."

"Up until 70-100 years ago the most beautiful building in the town was the church. It alerted you to transcendence."

"Ideology becomes a substitute for beauty which is why so much religious art is TRASH."

"We need to reconnect ourselves with the idea of having beauty as one of our highest goals--to insist that it become part of Christian dialogue and culture (not just worship).

"We need to create communities which cultivate our artistic capacities."

"We need art because most of us go through life half awake."

"As a child, art shows you possibilities and awakens who you are...who you might be."

"The fact that the role of art has been usurped by commercial entertainment is dangerous because it conditions our imaginations and our emotions in ways that are destructive....If I take away from you the bread of life, I do not take away your hunger. But, you will satisfy it more cheaply...The point of entertainment is to make you feel good about yourself. Art calls you to something higher."

Mr. Gioia suggested that there are four ways in which we perceive and communicate about our world:

1. Mysticsim

2. Science

3. Conceptual thought; words

4. Artistic/poetic thought

It was his assertion that while the first three compartmentalize knowledge, art and poetry integrate. "A poem speaks to you in the entirety of expression...intellectual, imagination, and physical sensation." I leave you with this lovely poem he used as an example.

Go Lovely Rose

Go, lovely rose!
Tell her that wastes her time, and me,
That now she knows,
When I resemble her to thee,
How sweet and fair she seems to be.

Tell her that's young,
And shuns to have her graces spied,
That hadst thou sprung
In deserts where no men abide,
Thou must have uncommended died.

Small is the worth
Of beauty from the light retired:
Bid her come forth,
Suffer her self to be desired,
And not blush so to be admired.

Then die! that she
The common fate of all things rare
May read in thee
How small a part of time they share
That are so wondrous sweet, and fair!

Edmund Waller